Super White Girl Problems
by xSuchSweetNothingx
Summary: Bella is a white girl with a lot of problems. Several characters. Humorous situations. Drabble. AU.
1. A Letter from the Writer

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 0: A Letter from the Writer**

**Starring: - x –**

**Estimated Age: -**

***SWGP***

I just want to let everybody know that none of what I write in this story is meant to be taken seriously. It has all been written for amusement and should not be taken offensively.

Personally, I am a _"white girl"_ and have been stereotyped as several things, and quite frankly I think it's hilarious. So, with the help of some inspiration from superwhitegirlproblems , which just so happens to be one of my favorite tumblrs, I will be writing this story.

Although several of the things that will featured in these stories are completely ridiculous, I have to admit that some of them have actually happened to me.

If Nothing Else, Read This!

None of the stories in this collection of one-shot have anything to do with each other. At all.

More than half of the time they will be set at different ages, in different places, with different people. You may go from reading about Bella being made fun of for being too pale to her being the head cheerleader in a matter of two chapters. Or from Bella being the boyfriend-less geek to her being the girlfriend of number one Hollywood actor Edward Cullen.

Each story will be in Bella's perspective.

But rest assured, every character will be made out as white girls with stupid problems.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	2. Damn Straightner is Out to Get Me

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 1: Damn Straightner is Out to Get Me**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 15**

***SWGP 6***

"Are you almost ready?" Alice calls from my bed, annoyance tingeing her usual chipper tone.

I huff. Seriously, I've only been in here for like, ten minutes. Fifteen at the very most.

I put down the straightner to let down another layer of soon-to-be-straightened hair. "Well, maybe if you weren't such a bathroom hog I would be!" I yell back.

We came to my house directly after school to get ready for our dates at The Lodge with Edward and Jasper. Jasper's sister Rosalie and her boyfriend were going to be meeting us there, and we had to look our best.

Not only because we are going to see our own boyfriends, but because Rosalie is drop dead gorgeous.

Life isn't fair.

"Well, _maybe_ if you weren't such a bitch about it I wouldn't have prolonged my shower!" she snaps in reply. My eyes roll instantly.

I pick my straightner back up and continue doing my hair. "Well, _maybe_ if you weren't such a baby you would have done the mature thing and just – _OW!_"

The straightner falls to the ground.

My.

Finger.

Is.

On.

_Fire_.

Alice rushes into the bathroom. "What's wrong?"

_Oh, so now she cares about me._

I rush to turn on the cold water and let it run over my burning finger.

"I got myself with the straightner!"

Her face screws up in pain. "I hate it when that happens. It hurts like a mother."

"Yeah," I nod in agreement.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 28 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	3. Juicy or Coach Dilemma

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 2: Juicy or Coach Dilemma**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 14**

***SWGP 9***

I stood in front of my mirror, my Juicy Couture bag on my left arm and my Coach bag on my right arm, turning back and forth.

"I just don't know," I complained, turning to face Alice who was studying me closely from my bed.

Her eyebrows were scrunched close together in concentration. "Well, the beige of the Coach bag matches your boots, which is totally cute, but the black of the Juicy bag really makes your grey sweater pop," she murmured.

She was right.

She was so right.

"So what do I do?" I ask, dropping both bags down on the side of my bed.

Alice sat for a minute, contemplating while she looked back and forth between both bags and my outfit.

A minute passed.

"I've got it!"

"What?" I asked eagerly, running my hands through my hair in relief.

"How about you bring both of them with you to school. Hold the Coach bag until fifth period and then switch it out with Juicy for the rest of the day."

My draw dropped.

How could I have been so stupid?

"You are a life-saver Aly; a total genius," I grabbed her face and gave her a loud kiss on her cheek.

She giggled loudly, kissing my check in return. "That's what I'm here for!"

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 28 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	4. The Saddest Sight I Ever Did See

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 3: The Saddest Sight I Ever Did See**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 15/16**

***SWGP 12***

"This is so sad," Alice whispers, elbowing me slightly while throwing a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

I sniffle. "I know, right?" I whisper back, eating a couple of M&M's.

When Rosalie said that "Marley & Me" was a cute movie about a dog I'd been expecting to have the best night of my life.

Why on earth would she leave out the fact that the precious dog dies?

Alice and I wail when the vet leaves the room after giving the dog the shot that would end his life.

I'm crying more than I did at "My Sisters Keeper."

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 28 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	5. Pup's Too Big for my Purse

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 4: Pup's Too Big for my Purse**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 14**

***SWGP 14***

I dial Alice's phone number instantly.

"Hey Belly-Boop, what's up?" she answers in a sing-song voice.

"You'll never guess what my Dad got me for my birthday!" I scream, turning around to look at my new puppy.

She was just _so _cute!

"Omg! What did he get you?" she asks excitedly. I can almost hear her bouncing up and down on her bed in anticipation.

"He got me a puppy!"

We both scream at the same time.

I ignore my Dad's protest to keep the noise down.

"No way!"

"Way."

"What did you name him?" she asks.

"Her name is Princess," I coo as I rub her ear affectionately. "And she's the prettiest puppy in the whole wide world!"

"What kind is she?"

"She's a Golden Retriever."

"Oh," she sounds a little put out.

My brow furrows. "What's wrong?"

Alice sighs through the phone. "Nothing; it's just that . . . Well . . ."

I plop down on my bed, "What?"

"How cute would it have been if you could fit her in your purse and carry her around like the girl in Legally Blonde did in the beginning of the movie?"

_Damn. That would have been pretty freaking cute._

"You're right. I should have asked for a Chihuahua."

"Maybe next year," Alice says, and then goes on to tell me that she heard Jessica saying that Lauren was pregnant.

"No way! What did she say?"

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	6. Late With a Decaf Latte

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 5: Late With a Decaf Latte**

**Starring: Bella x Edward**

**Estimated Age: 16**

***SWGP 15***

Whispers echo throughout the room when I push through the door.

Mr. Banner turns to look at me, pausing in the middle of the sentence he is writing on the white board.

"So nice of you to join us, Ms. Swan. Do you have a late pass?" he inquires.

I look down at my favorite Uggs, shaking my head ashamedly, "No, Mr. Banner."

"Well, I hope you realize that you being five minutes late has cost you thirty minutes in detention," he murmurs before going back to what he was writing.

A crumpled note is thrown on to my side of the desk the second that I sit down.

I look over at Edward, in all his glory.

He is wearing a forest green shirt that makes his eyes pop, and dark washed jeans with a brown belt.

_So sexy._

I open up the crumpled note.

_Why are you late?_

God help me; even his handwriting turns me on.

I scribble down my reply.

Well, I pretend to scribble it down while I'm really trying my best to make my handwriting as cute as possible.

_Stopped to get a decaf latte. Want a sip?_

I pass the note back to him, taking a sip of my delicious starbucks latte.

_Life just doesn't get any better than this. Drinking starbucks and sitting next to the hottest, most popular guy in the school? This is practically heaven._

He chuckles under his breath, shaking his head at me. 'You are too cute,' he mouths to me before going back to writing notes on whatever Mr. Banner is saying.

_His nose is so straight it's ridiculous._

"Ms. Swan, if you could please give me the attention that you are currently giving Mr. Cullen, I would greatly appreciate it," Mr. Banner snaps.

My cheeks burn with my embarrassment.

"Sorry, Mr. Banner."

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems**

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	7. Worse Than Double Dipping

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 6: Worse Than Double Dipping**

**Starring: Bella x Lauren x Edward**

**Estimated Age: 17**

***SWGP 18***

"Bella!" Lauren called from our table as soon as I stepped foot in the cafeteria. She shot up from her seat to run and get in line with me. "Did you see what Jess was wearing today?"

"No, why?" I asked, picking up fries and a little cup of melted cheese.

_My favorite._

Edward, who is standing next to his friend Peter, waves to me from the front of the checkout line. I wave back, making my way over to him with Lauren hot on my heels.

"Remember that outfit she wore in January; the one with the ripped black skinny jeans and the hot pink spaghetti strapped shirt? She wore her brown leather jacket with it?"

I picked through several images in my mind, nodding when I found the right one.

_Too cute._

We reached Edward and Peter when Lauren broke the news.

"She's wearing it again today." Her tone was smug.

_Just as it damn well should be._

"_No!_" I can't even believe it.

"_Yes!_" Lauren assures me, so excited that she doesn't even take a second to smile flirtatiously at Edward like she usually does.

_Whore._

"Why?" I ask. Jessica's parent have more than enough money to keep her closet packed full of cute clothes. She could have at the very least worn a different shirt.

"I don't know," Lauren gushes.

"Is that even legal?" I ask, putting my fries down on Edward's tray as he leans down to peck my cheek.

"Is what even legal?" He asks, taking his money out to pay for our lunches.

"Thanks babe," I smile, kissing his shoulder affectionately.

Lauren started to tell Edward about the catastrophe of the gossip queen herself before I cut her off by raising my hand passively.

"Trust me, Teddy, you don't even want to know."

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	8. Stressed to the Max

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 7: Stressed to the Max**

**Starring: Bella x Alice x Edward**

**Estimated Age: 16**

***SWGP 19***

With Junior prom around the corner, meaning six months away, I am totally stressed out.

I have been putting together bits and pieces of an outfit that I know will turn out to be fantastic.

I've got a beautiful necklace, dangling bracelets, diamond earrings, strappy high heels, along with my make-up and hair-do planned out.

Now all that's left is the most important thing.

The dress.

Alice and I are currently out searching for dresses for both of us in Port Angeles. Edward and Jasper drove us here, being that they are a year older than us and already had their license's.

And we found the perfect one for me.

Baby pink and ballerina style, it practically had my name written over it with black sharpie.

Not that any type of ink will be within a mile of this dress once I get it home.

"It's perfect Bella. Absolutely perfect," Alice chattered, purchasing her own lavender colored Cinderella style dress.

Jasper was going to love her in it.

"I know, right?" I replied, my eyes glazing over as I picture the look on Edward's face as he watched me descend from the stairs, clad in a black tux with a baby pink tie that matched my dress, a corsage cradled in his large hands. "We're going to look amazing."

She signed her name after swiping her card and it was my turn to ring up my dream dress.

It was nearing two-hundred and fifty dollars but it was worth every penny.

"This is one of my favorites," the cashier informs me, her blue eyes gazing at the beautiful dress. "You're going to make that special boy very happy," she said with a smile, nodding towards the door just as the bell jingled, signaling that it had opened.

I turned and saw Jasper and Alice.

"How are our two favorite girls?" Jasper drawled in his Southern accent as the boys neared us.

Edward's eyes sparkled a dazzling green, "Did you girls find what you were looking for?"

We both nodded, and Alice went on to tell Jasper all about her dress, even though he could see it clear as day from under the see-through plastic cover.

I swiped my credit card and put in my pin, turning to ask Edward what he and Jasper did when the cashier cleared her throat. I turned back to face her.

"Um, it seems that you have gone over you're limit."

Time must have stopped.

_Limit?_

How could you possibly put a limit on one of the soon to be best night of my life?

You couldn't, that's how.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Alice bounced over to me. "What's wrong?"

"Dad put a limit on my credit card."

She didn't say anything.

"I can't get the dress."

"You can't get the dress? What do you mean, _you can't get the dress?_ You _have_ to get the dress!" she exploded.

A tear slipped from my eye.

Edward's arm slung around my shoulders. "I can't have my girl crying. I'll buy the dress." As if it were only a pack of gum, he pulled out his wallet and bought me the dress.

_This kind of thing just doesn't happen in real life._

**~ SWGP ~**

"You didn't have to do that, you know," I said, nudging Edward with my shoulder while we got in his car. Jasper and Alice drove down separately in his car.

"I want you to be happy."

I kissed his lips. "You're the best!"

He chuckled, closing the door behind me as I sat down.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems**

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	9. Tan to Tanner

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 8: Tan to Tanner**

**Starring: Bella x Alice x Rosalie**

**Estimated Age: 17**

***SWGP 22***

Rosalie rolls over on her bed, turning down the volume to The Kardashian's television show. "We should do something awesome today."

I nod enthusiastically, "Yeah; it's gorgeous outside."

Alice looks up from painting her toenails hot pink on the desk chair, "We could go to the beach," she offers with a glance outside the window.

It was one of those few days a year in Forks where it was almost hard to stay inside.

"That's a great idea; let's go to La Push." It's time to show off my beach body, and the guys on the reservation are hot.

Edward may be my man, but he's not the only man I see.

I like abs.

A lot.

"Yeah, I could use a tan," Rosalie says, standing to go to her closet and pull out a white bikini.

Simple but sexy.

And the same kind as my royal blue one.

Alice puts away the nail polish, finished. "Rose, you and Bella just got a spray tan yesterday. You both look amazing. I'm the one who is in desperate need of a tan."

"Shut up, Alice," she says, stripping.

I pull my own bikini out of my overnight bag.

"Yeah, shut up, Alice," I repeated, sticking my tongue out at her when she gave me the finger.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 20 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	10. Mega Thong Wedgies

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 9: Mega Thong Wedgies**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 16**

***SWGP 23***

Alice fidgeted in her seat for the eighteenth time.

It was making it hard to concentrate on what my Trigonometry teacher was saying.

I tap her butt with my shoe through the opening of the back of her seat. She turns to look at me with an uncomfortable expression.

"What is wrong with you?" I whisper, darting my eyes down to her rear end.

She groans quietly. "I have the worst wedgie in the history of forever."

I giggle a little bit too loudly.

_Understood._

She fidgets again. "I didn't even know it was possible for a piece of string to go so far up your ass," she murmurs before turning back around.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 21 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	11. Cover Up the Rat's Nest

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 10: Cover Up the Rat's Nest**

**Starring: Bella x Jessica**

**Estimated Age: 15**

***SWGP 33***

"Psst," a voice sounds in my ear. I turn my head to the right to look at Jessica.

She's leaning towards me, but her eyes are on the teacher, nervous about being caught talking in the middle of the lesson.

"What's up with the hat?" she asks in a hushed tone.

I play with my ponytail while I replay, "My hair just didn't want to cooperate today."

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 21 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	12. Jammin' in the M3

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 11: Jammin' in the M3**

**Starring: Bella x Alice x Rosalie**

**Estimated Age: 19**

***SWGP 34***

The wind was blowing through my hair, and it made me feel like a model.

We were all driving in Rose's M3 BMW convertible with the top down, blasting the music through the amazing radio that her boyfriend put into it.

Just as Katy Perry's song "Firework" ends, our all time favorite song comes on.

O. M. _G._

"_Ohhh_, turn it up Bell!" Alice yells my thoughts from the back seat.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," I reply as I turn up the sound impossibly louder, until even my eyes are vibrating from the sound. I'm starting to get a headache.

But that's irrelevant.

"Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I'm home bound!" we all sing, motioning to each other with our hands and making funny faces at each other. "Staring blankly ahead, just making my way, making my way through the crowd."

We ignore the old man who gives us the finger as we pass him.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 21 March 2012**

**Posted: 29 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	13. Chomping Down all my Money

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 12: Chomping Down all my Money**

**Starring: Bella x Angela**

**Estimated Age: 16**

***SWGP_***

"Wow, Bella. You must be starving," Angela comments, a teasing smile set upon her lips as I set my tray down on the table.

I look down at it.

I have chicken fingers, cheese fries, a piece of pizza, a soft pretzel, strawberry yogurt with granola, a blueberry muffin, and three rice krispies treats.

Just like I do every day.

_Oh yeah, she's new to the school._

I smile back at her as I sit down, "I sure am."

"How much did all of that cost, anyway?" she asks.

I shrug, "Like, forty dollars. Maybe a little bit more."

Her jaw drops, "Is this a once-in-a-while thing or do you get all of this every day?"

"I have it every day."

"_Why?_ Does your dad feed you?"

"Of course he does. I'm just hungry all of the time."

She shakes her head incredulously, laughing lightly. "You're crazy."

_What's she going to say on taco Tuesday?_

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 22 March 2012**

**Posted: 30 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	14. The Hershey Depression

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 13: The Hershey Depression**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 14**

***SWGP _***

Alice groans loudly through the phone.

"What?"

She sighs, "I finished my chocolate."

I plop the last bite of my Kit-Kat in my mouth. "Me, too," I reply, crumbs falling from my lips.

"I'm going to go get some more." I can hear her fridge open.

I go into the kitchen at the commercial of "Pretty Little Liars" to get myself another candy bar.

"Damn!" she screams in my ear, causing me to drop the phone.

"What is wrong with you?"

"There's no more chocolate left."

I snicker as I pull out my secret stash of Twix. "I have got a ton left."

"Eff you then, bitch."

The line disconnects.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 22 March 2012**

**Posted: 30 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	15. Busting Out

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 14: Busting Out**

**Starring: Bella x Jessica**

**Estimated Age: 17**

***SWGP _***

I pulled up my shirt for the hundredth time that day.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Jessica asks from my right, her eyebrows scrunching together unattractively.

"My cami is too small," I explain, pulling it up yet again.

Tyler whistles as he passes me in the hallway.

I flip my finger up at the back of his head. "Jackass!"

"Well, it does make your boobs look amazing," Jessica comments, excusing his pig-like behavior.

"Why do you think I wore it?"

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 22 March 2012**

**Posted: 30 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	16. He Be Cheatin' on Me

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 15: He Be Cheatin' on Me**

**Starring: Bella x Emmett**

**Estimated Age: 17**

***SWGP 44***

A large hand came down on my shoulder as I cried into the crook of my arms.

"What's wrong, Bella?" my older brothers voice echoed through my ears, "Did you break a nail again?"

Emmett is home from college for Thanksgiving, and has been teasing me non-stop. He finds my pain amusing.

It's not.

I lifted up my head. "No," I whine, wiping my nose on the sleeve of my shirt, only to see that my mascara has dripped completely down my face. "He's –he's –he's," I can't get it out. "_Oh!_" My head drops back down into the safety of my arm.

_I can't believe he did this._

_And with her! Of all the people in the world it just had to be her!_

Emmett sat down next to me, rubbing my back as real concern formed. "What happened?"

"He . . . he . . . he's ch-cheating on me!"

He stood up so fast that the kitchen chair flipped back and fell onto the floor.

"It's that Edward kid, isn't it? I'll teach him to cheat on my little-"

I interrupt him, "_No!_ Not _Edward_!"

"Then who?"

"_Channing Tatum! _He just _had _to get with that _slut _Rachel McAdams!"

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 22 March 2012**

**Posted: 31 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	17. You Have to Dress it Up

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 16: You Have to Dress it Up**

**Starring: Bella x Rosalie**

**Estimated Age: 16**

***SWGP _***

"Rose, why do you keep making that face?" I ask, setting my spoon in my yogurt.

Every single time she takes a bite of her salad her face scrunches up like she just ate a lemon.

She sighs, slamming her fork down on the table, which causes everyone at the surrounding lunch tables to look at us. Rosalie runs her hand through her long golden locks.

"I hate salad."

Okay.

"Then why in the world would you bring it for lunch?"

"When it has enough ranch or Caesar, it actually tastes good. I forgot to pack it, though."

Oh. "That sucks," I say, before taking another bite of my mango yogurt.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 24 March 2012**

**Posted: 31 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	18. Clear as Clearasil

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 17: Clear as Clearasil**

**Starring: Bella x Charlie**

**Estimated Age: 15**

***SWGP _***

"Isabella, I said no, and that's final," Charlie yells, his cheeks burning a bright red.

He just isn't understanding what I'm saying. _Maybe if I say it one more time…_

"But dad, if I don't wear a thong I'll have panty lines, and then everyone will make fun of me!"

Charlie pulls on his coat before opening the front door of the house. He takes one step out before looking back at me. "I don't really care." The door slams closed as he disappears.

I scream.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 24 March 2012**

**Posted: 31 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	19. Calorie Counting

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 18: Calorie Counting**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 15**

***SWGP 51***

"What are you doing?" I ask, sliding into the seat beside Alice.

She sat at the lunch table with at least twenty clipped food labels spread out all over the table. She looked like a crazy lady.

"Do you have any idea how much crap we eat?"

I laugh, taking a bite out of my chocolate chip muffin, which was really just chocolate cake in muffin form. "I'm pretty sure I've got a good idea."

"I'm going on a diet," she announces, pushing herself away from the table and crossing her arms. Her lips pouted out with her stubborn expression.

"A diet?"

"Yes. A diet," she confirms.

"Alice, you're like negative thirty pounds," I try to reason with her, "There is absolutely no reason for you to go on a diet."

"Weight watchers."

"Chocolate Muffins."

"Almost five-hundred calories. Which is almost a third of what people like you and I should be eating a day."

The muffin falls from my hand and splatters all over the floor.

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems **

**Written: 3 April 2012**

**Posted: 31 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	20. If He's Not a Jerk He's Gay

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 19: If He's Not a Jerk He's Gay**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 15**

***SWGP 53***

"You know what the problem with the boys in our school is?" Alice asks me.

Instinctively, my eyes sweep across the students spread out across the auditorium, all talking loudly to each other. One of the only two good things about school is study hall, which came second to lunch.

Nothing beats stuffing your face.

I turn back to my best friend, "Please, enlighten me."

She cleared her throat, turning in her seat so that she was completely facing me. "They're all ugly! And the few who _aren't _completely hideous are –"

I cut her off, "Douche bags," I finish for her.

"Well, that, too, because more than that; they're gay!"

"Who's gay?" I ask, leaning towards her in curiosity.

She showed her sadness on her face as she began counting off the guys with her fingers, "Mike, Eric, Tyler –"

"_Tyler?_ No way!"

"Yes way!"

"But him and Lauren are dating," I reason.

Alice shakes his head, "That's just his cover; we're never going to date anyone, because every guy is a loser, a douche, or gay. And that's just the way it is."

"Well, I heard we are getting new kids this year," I tell her, leaning back to get more comfortable.

She scoffed, "With our luck, they'll be just as disappointing as everyone else in this school."

"I guess we'll just have to see."

* * *

**Inspiration: superwhitegirlproblems**

**Written: 5 September 2012**

**Posted: 31 August 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	21. The Dangers of Tanning

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 20: The Dangers of Tanning**

**Starring: Bella x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 22**

***SWGP 59***

* * *

Alice and I walk into _Sun Kissed_, our favorite tanning salon.

"Hey girls!" Rosalie greets us from behind the counter. "Go right down to your usual room; the beds are ready for you."

We thank her and follow as she directed

"She is so gorgeous," Alice complains once I close the door our room behind me.

I nod my head, "I know; I wish I looked like that."

Rosalie is a purebred Italian. Beautiful skin. Beautiful body. Hair. Eyes. Lips. You name it; she had it.

We undressed, leaving our undergarments on.

Just as I closed the bed, I heard a simultaneous sneeze and bump.

I laughed. Hard.

Alice scolds me, "Oh, shut up; you've done that a million times."

"Are you okay?" I finally got out, trying to wipe the tears from my eyes without hitting the roof of the tanning bed.

"I'm fine."

_20 Minutes Later . . ._

Alice and I were finished at the same time.

As soon as I saw the big red mark on her forehead, I went into hysterics.

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 5 December 2012**

**Posted: 1 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	22. Calling Dibs

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 21: Calling Dibs**

**Starring: Bella x Jessica**

**Estimated Age: 16**

***SWGP 70***

"Do you know how many hot guys are in our school?" Jessica asks me, tossing her phone onto her desk after finishing a text message.

I laugh, rolling my eyes as I answer, "Zero."

"Exactly!" she whines, "The only hope we have is that the new kids will be smoking."

Just as she finishes, I get a text from Alice.

_Saw the new kids. Three brothers: Jasper, Emmett and Edward. You wouldn't guess from their names, but they're hot as hell. Edward is just your type._

I turn to smirk at Jessica. "It looks like we're in luck."

"Why's that?"

I hold up my phone for her to read the text, "I've got dibs on Edward though."

"Who has dibs on me?" a masculine voice asks from my left.

I turn to stare up at a better looking version of Michelangelo's David.

Distantly, I hear Jessica complain, "But that's not _fair_!"

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 31 December 2012**

**Posted: 1 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	23. Febreeze Commercial Worthy

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 22: Febreeze Commercial Worthy**

**Starring: Bella x Edward**

**Estimated Age: 22**

***SWGP 131***

"Hey babe," I call.

"Yeah," Edward responds, walking into the room.

I hold up his shirt from yesterday, "Did you get a new cologne?"

He runs his hand through his hair, "Yeah; why? Do you not like it?"

Dropping his shirt, I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my nose into his neck. "Like it?" I ask, inhaling deeply, "You smell _amazing_!"

He laughs, "Well . . . thanks."

When he tries to back away I hold on tighter, "Where are you going?" I ask.

"The game is on."

"Can I come?" I ask.

_2 Hours Later_

Edward shifts from underneath of me. "This is getting a little ridiculous," he mutters.

"What?"

"You've been on top of me for the past couple hours, and all you're doing is smelling me."

"So?" I ask.

He lifts me up so that I'm straddling him, "At least do something worthwhile while you smell me," he teases, capturing my lips.

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 1 January 2013**

**Posted: 2 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	24. Dropping the Ball

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 23: Dropping the Ball**

**Starring: Bella x Rosalie**

**Estimated Age: 17**

***SWGP 121***

I pick up my phone on the first ring, "Hey babe," I greet Rosalie, turning down the volume on the television.

"Bella," her frustrated voice comes through the phone and I can sense that she's running her hands through her hair, "Could you please tell your best friend to _stop_ texting me?"

My brows furrow, "He's been texting you?" The question is rhetorical, but my mind is truly racing. Why would Edward be texting her? First of all, he doesn't like her, and second of all, I'm the only girl that he even gives the time of day. "What is he saying?" I inquire, sitting up straighter on the couch.

She sighs heavily and I can hear her shift on her bed, "He wants me to sleep with him," she scoffs.

The air rushes out of my throat.

_No._

Rose has been telling me for the past seven months the Edward is practically in love with me. And she knows that I have feelings for him too.

Maybe she was just misunderstanding? "What is he saying _exactly_?"

"I have blue balls, Rosie," she spoke in the girls-universal-imitation-of-a-mans-voice voice.

My jaw drops.

_That doesn't really sound like something that he would say . . ._

"_Edward _said that to you?" I asked, appalled.

She gasps even more dramatically than I had. "No, not _Edward_; Emmett!"

I breathe in relief. "Oh thank god. You scared me."

"Yeah; don't worry, you're man wouldn't do that to you," she says, "And if he did he knows I'd kick his stupid ass. But no, not thank god! He won't stop and he's getting on my last goddamn nerve."

I laugh, "Yeah, Emmett's an ass ninety percent of the time. What did you say back to him?"

"I told him that I hope they turn purple and fall off," she giggles.

I fall of the couch I'm laughing so hard, "That is _perfect!_"

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 25 February 2013**

**Posted: 3 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	25. Gag Reflex

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 24: Gag Reflex**

**Starring: Bella x Rosalie x Alice**

**Estimated Age: 22**

***SWGP 250***

I shake my head, "No; you don't understand how bad it is."

"Even if you really do have an overly active gag reflex . . . Why does it matter?" Alice asks, her dark brows furrowed.

Rosalie snorts, "It'll matter to her boyfriend when she can't put it down her throat."

Heats floods my cheeks and I cover my face with my hands.

"Oh my god; that really is the reason isn't it?" Rosalie gasps. She pauses for a minute before asking, "So . . . Just _how bad_ _is it_ exactly?"

I peek at them between my fingers.

"I choke on my tooth brush every time I brush my teeth."

They both went into hysterics.

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 26 February 2013**

**Posted: 3 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	26. Wearing the Pants

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 25: Wearing the Pants**

**Starring: Bella x Edward**

**Estimated Age: 24**

***SWGP 583***

"Bella!"

I poke myself in the eye with my mascara.

Again.

"Let's _go_!" Edward yells, the tone of his voice telling me that he's annoyed.

"Ugh!" I grunt, yanking open the bathroom door and stomping halfway down the stairs so I can glare at him. "Shut. Up!"

He ignores me, turning to walk out the front door, "You're ready," he announces sarcastically. "That only took four hours."

"No!" I deny angrily, "I most definitely am _not_ ready. Maybe if you would have kept your stupid mouth shut I wouldn't have nearly taken my eyeball out, and we _would_ be walking out the door by now. But _no_. So you had better just sit your ass down and wait for me to finish."

He glares back at me. "We are late to _everything_ because you can never get your shit together. We. Are. Leaving. _Now."_

I cock my hip, putting my hands on my waist as I sneer back at him, "Oh, is _that _what you think?"

His eyebrow raises.

_Three Minutes Later . . ._

I glare at him from the passenger's seat, "If you don't wipe that smirk off your face right now I am going to _punch you in the face_."

He laughs, reaching over to pat my head twice.

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 27 February 2013**

**Posted: 6 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	27. Messin' Up the Do'

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 26: Messin' Up the Do'**

**Starring: Bella x Edward x Emmett x Jasper x Riley**

**Estimated Age: 19**

***SWGP _***

I'm in the passenger's seat of Edward's jeep and he's driving. His friends Jasper, Emmett and Riley are all crammed into the back seat. Rap music, something that Edward never plays when it's just him and I, is currently blasting through the speakers of his radio.

Don't bother asking why I agreed to go to the movie with a bunch of guys, because I honestly cannot tell you what the hell I was thinking.

"Hey guys," Edward yells over the music, peeking back at his buddies, "Want to see something hilarious?"

They all nod their heads, laughing goofily.

I roll my eyes at their stupidity and look out the window.

Only to see that it's going down.

My jaw drops.

I spent an hour and a half getting my hair curled just right.

I'll be damned if I let him mess it up.

I jam my finger on the button that is supposed to send the window back on its merry way to being closed.

It would have if Edward hadn't child locked it so I couldn't defend myself.

I put my arms up in front of the window, trying to block the wind. "Roll up this window!" I whine, glancing in his direction.

All of the guys are laughing.

But I'm too upset to care that Edward isn't paying close enough attention to the road.

"It's not funny!" I scream.

They continue to laugh for the next two minutes, ignoring my pleas.

It's time to get serious.

"Edward," I warn, "If you don't roll up this _god damn_ window, _right now_, I will not even get within a mile radius of your . . . "

Blood drains from his face, and I know that I don't have to go on.

The window is up not a second later.

And his friends are laughing twice as hard as they were before.

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 27 February 2013**

**Posted: 6 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	28. Bare Buns

**Super White Girl Problems**

**Chapter 27: Bare Buns**

**Starring: Bella x Edward**

**Estimated Age: 27**

***SWGP _***

I quite possibly have the _hottest _doctor to ever exist.

His emerald eyes are framed by long, dark lashes, and his copper hair is wild. His skin is tanned and even under his jacket I can tell that he's physically fit.

Dr. Cullen.

I'm sitting on the raised plush seat, over crinkling paper, waiting to get my physical from said doctor.

_I would love to get physical with that man, that's for sure._

Sometimes I like to think that he likes me, too, but I know that's a long shot.

As the door opens to reveal him, I realize that I'm not wearing appropriate underwear.

_A lacy black thong? Really, Bella? What were you thinking!_

I'm in a gown. In a thong. In the same room as my crush of the past two years.

. . . I get hurt a lot, so it's not as pathetic as one might think.

"How are you doing today, Bella?" he asks, smiling crookedly as he closes the door behind him.

My cheeks are burning and I clear my throat, "Good. And yourself?"

"I'm doing well. It's strange to see you in one piece," he teases, "Have you decided to stick to your bed for the last two weeks?"

_Oh I'd love it if you would stick it to me in my bed . . . you gorgeous man._

I laugh awkwardly, "Something like that."

He listens to my lungs and takes my blood pressure, checks my ears, eyes and mouth before asking me to stand up.

I'm sure to face him.

"Okay Bella, now, can you bend over for me? I'd like to check your back for scoliosis," he says, moving out of my way so that I can stand in the center of the room.

_Oh. No._

* * *

**Inspiration: www . superwhitegirlproblems . com**

**Written: 28 February 2013**

**Posted: 6 September 2013**

**Beta: strixx**

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


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